I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
