forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's always time for handjobs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
