I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
