Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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