Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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