White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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