I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
