I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
