the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
