WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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