ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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