How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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