I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
