I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
