You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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