I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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