you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
