apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
