i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
