if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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