Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
