Your tits are I can't wait for
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
