Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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