I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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