its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
