So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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