I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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