Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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