Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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