I need to stop coming to work sober
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
