Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
