it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
