Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
