I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
