all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
