Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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