To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
