girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
