Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
