I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
