i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
