I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
