My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
