This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
