That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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