Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
