I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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