you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am one with the molecules
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
