You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
