the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
